@TheLastVirgo: The moral of Little Red Riding Hood is: 1) Never trust strangers; 2) Learn to differentiate facial features between a wild dog & a human.

@ColoChiver: My boss told me to dress for the job I want, not the job I have. Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting in a Batman costume.

@mean_crow: to the scum photoshopping bandanas on my wedding photos, STOP. my wife has a bad memory & is in tears, she thinks she married a bandana guy

@jazmasta: Maybe the reason that goats are so angry is because they don't have hands to stroke those magnificent beards with while pondering quandaries

@CulturedRuffian: 'No you can't have cake! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Here, eat this fried flour with butter and maple syrup.' -Moms