@TheTweetOfGod: The Walking Dead is Jesus's favorite show.
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@joe_binkley: I want to be a server at a restaurant that serves fish jelly, just so when people order it, I can say "I don't think you're ready."
@B_poling82: Cop: Have you been drinking? Me: *sips beer Cop: That was stupid. Me: So was your question.
@Swain_Train47: Jim: What shall we name our new playground invention? Roy: Idk. The playground business sure is a Jungle, Jim. Jim: ...Say that again.
@meganamram: When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it's like what am i, your maid