@PAT_E_ROCK: The water drought in California is so bad, that someone broke into my cousins house and stole his waterbed.
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@LackOfShame: Turns out that the best way to find a flat head screw driver is to pretend to look for a phillips one.
@rockymomax: Her: u have a choice its me or the megaphone Me: fine Her: good Me: [puts megaphone directly to her ear] I THINK WE SHOULD SEE OTHER PEOPLE
@samuelhlowe: The best way to return any clothing left at your place is to do a drive-by with a t-shirt gun on her wedding day.