@BoutCrazed: The way I see it, the only thing my daughter's little "boyfriend" needs to know about me is I ain't afraid to go back to prison.
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@longwall26: "Hello, cops? A man in an apron attacked my hair with scissors!" "LOL sir, that was a barber." "He was black." "We're sending a battleship."
@rachelle_mandik: am i supposed to have a separate mouth with which to kiss my mother please advise
@DanMentos: [first date] "Tell me two interesting things about yourself" well I lie when I'm nervous… "ok…" and I invented oatmeal