@BoutCrazed: The way I see it, the only thing my daughter's little "boyfriend" needs to know about me is I ain't afraid to go back to prison.
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@squirrel74wkgn: I was waiting for my wife to try on clothes & spoke to this woman for almost 20 minutes until I looked up & noticed her head was missing.
@treydayway: I stopped trying to be a thug when I found out there was something called a caramel Frappuccino.
@TheToddWilliams: [high seas] FIRST MATE: The men be ready to attack PIRATE: Arr! FIRST MATE: Oh sorry...the men "are" ready to attack
@kimmie_1980: Level of singleness: yelling, "pizza's here!" So the delivery man doesn't think all the pizza is just for me...