@cerebralbeef: The way to cure your loneliness is to get on out there! But first, be better looking. And stop being yourself, that's obviously not working.
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@zachheltzel: Tell women at the bar you are the lead singer of Train. There's no way they can know your lying.
@Furry_Beaver: My boss asked me why I'm late, apparently answering "because your wife wouldn't let me get out of bed" just gets you sent to HR.
@juliussharpe: I wish Bond movies gave a more realistic view of his jet lag and traveler's diarrhea.
@SteveSuckington: They say you should play dead if a bear attacks you. That shouldn't be that hard once he snaps your torso in half.