@Born2bVild: The way your stick figures take up your whole back window tells me you need a bigger car and a class on condoms.
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@huntigula: "Swimming is dangerous, so I wear floaties on my arms for safety!" [cut to me floating face-down in a pool with only my arms above water]
@Swishergirl24: The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
@AmishPornStar1: "Daddy, why do dogs need whiskers?" -my 7-year-old son, while discreetly holding scissors in one hand and dog whiskers in the other
@heidi420x: Just yelled "out of my way monsters!" at a flock of seagulls, so I'm done interacting socially for the day