@Kyle_Lippert: The weather is so hot that it gave me the wrong phone number.
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@jwoodham: "How dare you accuse us of cheating?" said the Patriots, struggling to get a jersey on the giant robot tiger that Katy Perry rode in on.
@Rainbowbunee: Pretty woman, the kind that don't eat meat Pretty woman, the kind that likes to hug trees Ohoh what can I do? She's making me eat vegan food
@TheTweetOfGod: .@rickygervais Ricky, if you can get Twitter to verify me, you will be the first atheist allowed into heaven.
@shanethevein: The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.