@lwhit_the_boss: The weatherman is telling us to expect 8 to 9 inches, but he's probably lying.
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@MartaEffing: I joked at school drop off that the white stuff on my kid was powdered sugar, not cocaine, but I took it too far by rubbing some on my gums.
@ReeseButCallMeV: I taught my 1yo how to turn on my mother-in-law's dishwasher since she only uses it for storage.
@Sassafrantz: The average person has sex 103 times a year and it's almost March so that means only 103 more to go.
@sweet_pea707: HR: Do you know why I called you in here today? Me: I have a boyfriend HR: Ok, sorry to bother you