@PinkCamoTO: The "we're going to need a bigger boat" scene from Jaws but just me looking at the shopping carts at the liquor store.
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@sixfootcandy: Him: I think I'm getting sick. Me: Do you want some euthanasia? Him: I'm pretty sure it's called echinacea. Me: Tomato, tomahto.
@XplodingUnicorn: Texas principal: If that's a homemade clock and not a bomb, what time is it? Muslim student: Time for a lawsuit.
@yaboydil: Guess who I ran into today, Billy. "Who, dad?" Your dog, son. I hit your dog with the car.