@UGotMeRight: The wife convinced me into taking her to Hawaii if she lost 20 pounds. You'd be surprised how many M&M's someone can swallow in their sleep.
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@ShortWhiteNUgly: Me: I found a job! Mom: That's great! What is it? Me: debt collection! Mom:.... Me..... Mom:... Me: I think you know why I'm calling.
@ProdigyNelson: "WHAT DO WE WANT?" "A BETTER STRUCTURE FOR MEASUREMENT OF TIME THAT ISN'T AN ILLUSION CREATED BY MAN" "WHEN DO WE WANT IT?" ... "shit"
@PinkCamoTO: "Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.