@jeffswarens: The wife just walked out of the store with bags and didn't notice me standing here. Maybe I need to put 75% off on my T-shirt
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@AndyAsAdjective: Honey, you know the part in The 6th Sense when she drops his wedding ring & you realize he's been dead the whole time? Well I want a divorce
@bourgeoisalien: I imagine one day my dearest friends will say at my funeral, "Wow. What an idiot. Who chokes to death on orange sherbet?"
@Adam_Kingsnorth: Why do they say "character actress"? Is that to differentiate them from the all those actresses that only play walls and bits of furniture?
@KattsDogma: "I'm sorry I named my daughter 'Paige.' It seemed funny at the time." - a confession of Nat Turner