@jeffswarens: The wife just walked out of the store with bags and didn't notice me standing here. Maybe I need to put 75% off on my T-shirt
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@Mr_Kapowski: Me: Can I bring my wife? Travel Agent: Of course Me: But I'm hetero. Does that matter? Travel Agent: Do you think I'm saying Gayman Islands?
@BraandoCommando: Me: *takes off headphones and puts air guitar down* what? Flight attendant: I need you to sit
@PaperPlateFace2: Tried to steal some candy from a baby. I got hit in the face with a rattle and then it puked on me They lied about how easy that was.