@ISOremarkable: I'm at my most Liam Neeson when my food is missing from the employee fridge.
@MeatyPunk: girl: tough guys are hot
Me:
*hawk lands on my bare arm*
I have a gauntlet I just never use it
*hawk gnawing on my shoulder*
I love this
@dumbbeezie: I just want to learn enough sign language to convince a hair stylist to cut my hair in silence
@hippieswordfish: [calls wife] honey help
'whats wrong?'
im done shopping at the door store but now i cant tell which one is the exit
'ok just stop crying'
@jakob_huber: Lost in a corn maze? Light it on fire. Turn it into a popcorn maze. Eat your way out.
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