@thegayfarmerguy: The wind blew a smart car into my lane and I had to roll down my window and swat it out of the way.
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@jake_likes_naps: [Ouija board in Starbucks] "Speak to me spirits" O M G H A V E U S E E N W H A T K R I S T Y I S W E A R I N G G R O S S
@samfromks: *Holds centipede up to your cheek as you're sleeping and whispers* Hey baby, the restraining order said a hundred feet...
@nice_mustard: ME ONLINE: all people deserve the same rights & quality of life ME IN TRAFFIC: I HOPE EVERYONE IN THIS MINIVAN GETS EATEN BY RABID BADGERS
@WSiefford: I'm so sorry my pet rock attacked you. Its just he really hates arrogant douche bags. Thank god he only hit your face.