@thegayfarmerguy: The wind blew a smart car into my lane and I had to roll down my window and swat it out of the way.
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@sixfootcandy: Me:*Gently nudges your arm* Would you like to be my Valentine? Doctor: Can we discuss this after your colonoscopy?
@RandomAntics: When I'm empty-handed my dog doesn't know what the word 'sit' means, but if I have a treat she can perform neurosurgery.
@I_Am_Iron_Dad: Don't look at me like that, Barbie. We're both stuck in this playhouse. Just drink your tea. The toddler will tell us what to do next.