@thegayfarmerguy: The wind blew a smart car into my lane and I had to roll down my window and swat it out of the way.
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@RuthDavidsonMSP: Obviously, it would be hugely childish & wrong to chuckle at Linus & Florian, the backbone of Germany's hockey team.
@AK_Holica: Does anyone else's belt turn into a Rubik's cube when they have to piss like a racehorse?
@Donnie_Fairburn: Women say they like a man in uniform but I've been wearing this naughty nurse outfit all day and not a single woman has approached me yet :(
@TheCatWhisprer: Dr: I'm giving u a proton-pump inhibitor Me: LIKE A GHOSTBUSTER? D: No for acid reflu *sees tears welling in my eyes* yes for busting ghosts