@SteveKoehler22: Why do countries "cut ties" when things get tense ? So weird having men walk around in suits and half ties.

@GregHenchman: I wonder if Scarlett Johansson ever fantasizes about fat comic book nerds, or is that just a one-way street?

@Brianhopecomedy: I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.

@amazymay72x: Me: Cleaning the basement. 12yo boy: Let me know if u need help. 13yo girl: Let me know when you're done. Yep...throwing out HER crap.

@garyfromteenmom: [first date] ok dont let them know i stalked them online them: my aunt-- me: theresa or sharon