@NewDadNotes: [the Fellowship of the Ring]
Gandalf: who will take the ring to Mordor?
Frodo: I will take it
Aragorn: you have my sword
Legolas: and you have my bow
Gimli: and my axe
Me: you may have my backpack
[everyone turns to stare at me]
Me: it’s JanSport
@Bob_Janke: [teaching my dog to shake hands]
NO! Firmer than that. Want them to take you seriously?
@Try2StopME: Bathrooms have Changed from being a Singing Studio, to a Photo Studio.
@figgled: Can everyone please stop tweeting the clapping emoji it’s making all my lights turn on and off
@ClichedOut: Me: Good night.
Brain: Night.
Brain: But if dog bacon existed would you eat it?
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