@DothTheDoth: The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
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@Snarfernini: There's a spider in my bathroom. I neither can kill it or capture it, so now it has its very own room in my house to raise its spider family
@dshack8: First Rule of Parent Club: If your kid gets their head stuck in something, make sure you get your camera before you help them get it out.
@mrtruthandsoul: *breaks out of prison *hunted by police for weeks *crawls thru 22 miles of mud to your house* Me: <taps on your window> DID YOU GET MY TEXT?
@FunkyFresh_79: Greatest days of my life: 3) Day I got married 2) Day my first kid was born 1) Day Facebook let you turn off notifications for their games