@MelKassel: The woman next to me smells SO good, is it weird if I'm like "What perfume is that, I will literally stop robbing this bank if you tell me"?
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@NJPsychDoc: My neighbor introduced his wife to me as his better half. I returned the courtesy by introducing my wife to him as the lesser of two evils.
@JayCee302: I finally started writing the book on herbs I've been putting off for so long, I guess it's.. :looks directly at the camera: "About thyme"
@lafpgh: He insulted my sister, and I let it slide. He insulted my mother, and I let it slide. Then...he insulted my tweets.