@FlyoverJoel: The woman selling sea shells by the sea shore must have had a strong personal brand to overcome such a poor business model.
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@NikiWithIssues: I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
@Brianhopecomedy: To ensure my wife misses me while I'm away, I changed her text notification to the sound of a door creaking open & message her at midnight.
@slimmy_shady: My tongue was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records until the damn librarian kicked me out.
@BuckyIsotope: *goes in for first kiss* *stops* Before this goes any further, I need to understand your position on naming our kids after water Pokèmon