@Eatingmeals: The women at the club tonight are so unapproachable. Getting discouraged. Good thing mom is here to tell everyone what a super guy I am.
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@ArfMeasures: CARPET SALESMAN: [sighing, handing me another sample] What about this one for your bedroom? ME: Hmmm no that one is also far too small
@BangMyBongo: You get a green perennial vegetable, you get a green perennial vegetable, EVERYBODY GETS GREEN PERENNIAL VEGETABLES! - Okra
@Brianhopecomedy: I told my wife that if she has any problems she can talk to me like she talks to her girlfriends so we're discussing why I'm such a idiot.