@Eatingmeals: The women at the club tonight are so unapproachable. Getting discouraged. Good thing mom is here to tell everyone what a super guy I am.
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@Kathleen_McGee: The cool thing about being broke is you can tell your friends you aren't drinking for a while & they think you're getting your shit together
@MattMcElaney: Mom always said she didn't have a favorite child, which was tough because I don't have any brothers or sisters.
@aecide: Saw my neighbor in a peeing contest with his dog on his porch. My mum said there'd be days like this but she never said there'd be so many.