@Eatingmeals: The women at the club tonight are so unapproachable. Getting discouraged. Good thing mom is here to tell everyone what a super guy I am.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Hispanic magician: "I will disappear on the count of three. Ready? Uno, dos" *poof* And just like that he vanished without a tres
@hot_coughy: When a woman says "I can't even tell you how upset I am right now" just wait 3 seconds.
@CatherineLMK: "Remember that man you met for 5 seconds when you were 2 months old? Let me catch you up on his medical history" -my relatives