@J0hnnyBlaze: The word "beard" comes from an old Latin phrase meaning "sit on my face"
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@KeetPotato: doctor: "is there anything that runs in the family?" wife: "hm not really" me: "the dog jogs a lot"
@GrandadJFreeman: My favorite part of The Lion King is the part where Nicki Minaj held up baby Simba.
@donni: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Do you know why I stopped? *silence* *a saxophone wails in the distance*
@samuelhlowe: Chasing a Pringles can down a slope is the closest I've ever been to hunting my own food.