@J0hnnyBlaze: The word "beard" comes from an old Latin phrase meaning "sit on my face"
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@SilverCricket9: #HowToEscapeADate No matter what he's talking about, bring the conversation back to your cat. "I love to travel." "My cat's an explorer."
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What happens if I microwave 5 Barbies? Me: That’s an oddly specific question. 4: I already know what happens if I do it with 4
@amselts: GIRL: l'm tired of bad boys and their bs. I want a good boy, for a change. ME [clearly a golden retriever]: *turns to camera and winks*