@AlisonAgosti: The word "Caesar" has always bothered me. It looks like a and e are mad at each other.
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@GrantTanaka: me: so what, you're gonna be angry at me for the rest of your life wife: no, the rest of yours
@PhuktUpScott: My neighbour was rushed to hospital today after a wasp landed on his face. It didn't sting him, luckily I got it first with my shovel.
@ehdannyboy: *phone rings* Wife - "Quick! Pretend I'm not in!" Me - *strips naked and does running man* Wife - "...."