@zachreinert03: The word tag is confusing. It can mean spray paint or touch someone & they're it. Either way, there's a purple kid in my neighborhood now
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@ThaJawn: *hands note Boss: *reading* 'Please excuse my son from' Ridiculous! You're working! *thinking* I practiced my Mom's signature for nothing
@omerwahaj: If at first you don't like the beard on your face, don't worry; it will eventually grow on you.
@patnspankme: A cashier could hand me a receipt & say “go online and fill out the survey and in a week they’ll deposit $10M into your bank account” and I still wouldn’t take the damn survey.
@SirEviscerate: [Airport terminal] *waits at baggage claim area* *an entire roast pig emerges on the carousel* *I check the tag to make sure it's mine*