@zachreinert03: The word tag is confusing. It can mean spray paint or touch someone & they're it. Either way, there's a purple kid in my neighborhood now
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@SirEviscerate: You guys, I just submitted a tweet to Twitter, and they accepted it and put it on their website!
@MatCro: Me: "Aw, your baby is cute. How old?" Woman: "Thanks, she's 34 weeks. Do you have the time?" Me: "Sure, it's 972 minutes past midnight."
@tat2dsoccermom: So, this co-worker stated that she makes ice cubes with her leftover alcohol. I'm confused. What's leftover alcohol?
@SimplyRetard: "*RING**RING* in the middle Of night! "Hello?" "Hey man are you home?" "No dude i just picked up my house phone from Burger King."