@DaveWeasel: The words 'selfie' and 'twerk' have been added to the dictionary this year while 'charm' and 'dignity' have been removed.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LeviathanPride: Kim Jong Un is 30, runs a dictatorship, executes ex-girlfriends, and openly threatens to annihilate the US. What am I doing with MY life?
@nbadag: DATE: so...this is your place? ME: yea...not fancy but it suits me. *opens flap of bouncy house* oh, also do you mind taking off your shoes
@bibbymoynihan: If you ever see me in a restaurant, please approach my table and do your Drunk Uncle impression. Especially if I'm with family or a girl.
@simoncholland: [sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*