@living_marble: The world is my oyster. Expensive and gross.
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@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: *shoots me with gun* *stuffs gun in my pocket* *runs away* Me: *Realizes he just made it look like a suicide* *keeping an eye on him*
@geekonursleeve: [table of 6 year olds in lab coats] How are we supposed to find a cure for cooties if we *bangs fist on table* CAN'T EVEN FIND WALDO?!
@zgbetty: The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.