@samalmightysam: The world would be a better place if everybody drank alcohol. It would get even better if some of them choked on it.
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@sammyrhodes: Here’s a crazy idea. What if Budweiser took all that advertising money and actually made better beer?
@SteveSuckington: [2nd time at girls house] "where's your dog?" Oh he isn't mine. I was dog sitting [makes text alert sound w mouth] "Its work. I gotta go"