@samalmightysam: The world would be a better place if everybody drank alcohol. It would get even better if some of them choked on it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@EJGomez: bicycle cop: im taking you to jail me [sarcastic voice]: should i ride on your pegs or walk next to you [segway cop just dying laughing]
@Smug_Lemur: Anyone who says living well is the best revenge has clearly never relocated a bat colony while their enemy was at work.
@rolldiggity: CASHIER: "Did you find everything you were looking for?" ME: "Oh, yes..." [places "How To Murder A Cashier" book on counter]