@samalmightysam: The world would be a better place if everybody drank alcohol. It would get even better if some of them choked on it.
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@Home_Halfway: Raccoons wearing tiny little glasses, digging through trash and carefully reading nutritional information of any food items they find.
@balloonsmatt: Your mother and I want you to know that we love you very much, so that’s why we’re getting a divorce and marrying you instead.