@SodomyClown: The worst feeling in the world is being in love with somebody that knows how to untie rope and run away while you're napping.
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@Test_of_Steron: Husband: I called my boss "Honey" today. Wife: What? Why? H: He was shouting at me and telling me I was wrong, and it just slipped out.
@kcmoore51: I hate when my wife says her friend at work "got flowers again today" and I have to kill that chick's husband.
@AGreaterMonster: This is serious as a heart attack but not one of those funny heart attacks. Those make me laugh.
@pregnant_cat: [casting call] -have u acted before? *shows VHS of me at a food court eating free samples like I might purchase the meal -oh this guys good