@mzeld: The worst is when you text someone and they text you back 2 hrs later but you already keyed their car and emailed their secrets to everyone.
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@super_morgasm: Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don't end up like everyone I went to high school with.
@omgthatspunny: The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material.
@SCbchbum: Careful, the circular motion you make with your hand to tell someone to roll down their car window is giving away your age.
@SortaBad: John: Yesterday... Paul: All my troubles seemed so far away George: But now it looks... Ringo: Waterslides hurt if they aren't wet enough