@mzeld: The worst is when you text someone and they text you back 2 hrs later but you already keyed their car and emailed their secrets to everyone.
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@WhatevaConc: Not now ex-boyfriend. Someone favorited 2 of my tweets. I'm a huge deal around there now & you lost your chance. Just kidding. What time?
@rickolantern: A super moon is just like a regular moon except Lois Lane doesn't recognize it when it's wearing horn rimmed glasses
@chimneyspotter: DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: Sadly, this male's efforts to prepare a nest for mating are all in vain [me crying on top of a half-put on fitted sheet]