@TheBoydP: The worst kind of insomnia is snoring induced insomnia. That's when every time you start snoring your wife shoves you awake...
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@GrantTanaka: parents, please remember to teach your children not to talk to strangers, you know how boring your children are
@fanofhell: For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
@clindsaysway: Meant to say, "Let me check my calendar and get back to you." What came out: "I'm available anytime"
@Home_Halfway: WIFE: I love you NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: Actually it's just emotional comfort after years of being toget- WIFE: *packing* I'll be at my mothers