@rolldiggity: The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand.
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@Sarcasticsapien: Congratulations, "journalists" who tell celebrity gossip for a living. I didn't know you could get a degree in teenage girl.
@hippieswordfish: *guy collapses* ICE CREAM MAN: does anyone know CPR DOCTOR:*looks at ice cream cones in both his hands, looks up, then slowly walks away*
@ObscureGent: The best way to get the woman of your dreams is to comment "gorgeous" on a minimum of 52 of her selfies.
@ImLeslieChow: When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's cute. I just find it strange how many people have knives on a date.