@rolldiggity: The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand.
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@KayRants: If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I'm not kidding.
@Quartzjixler: "I didn't go to grad school to assemble agenda folios for the quarterly board meeting" I think as I drizzle Dawn into the CEO's coffee pot.
@squirrel74wkgn: *looks over back shoulder* *puts car in reverse* Wife: OH MY GOD *slams brakes* Me: WHAT? Wife: Becky just posted the cutest picture
@Home_Halfway: ME: Is this Babies R Us CASHIER: Yes ME: No babies work here C: I know ME: It should be called Babies Were US C: ... ME: Get me your manager