@theveganqueen: the worst part about being vegan is having to get up early to milk the almonds
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@hippieswordfish: it's easy as pie! 'what does that even mean?' *pie stumbles in drunk* pie: i just had sex with the homeless guy under the bridge 'oh'
@BradBroaddus: I think my life would have turned out differently had I forwarded those chain letters in the 80's.
@mattytalks: A very busty woman whispers to me "I want you to tell me if these look real" my eyes widen, then she takes out pictures of the moon landing