@rmfnord: The worst part about crapping my pants at work was having to set the ACCIDENT FREE sign back to zero days in front of everybody.
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@KentWGraham: Our forefathers fought against British rule so anyone can become president. For the first time in 240 years, we’re regretting that decision.
@bonehugsnirony: Me:  I don’t trust anyone I meet online Me:  last night I met someone on Twitter and we’re moving in together to become paranormal investigators