@UncleDuke1969: The worst part about "Friends" being canceled is that I've now been stuck with Rachel's last haircut since 2004.
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@daemonic3: JUDAS: any weekend plans? JESUS: either exploring a cave or sleeping in, haven't decided JUDAS: maybe you'll do both JESUS: what? JUDAS: what?
@sploosk: my roofing company has gone bankrupt. I kept saying "this one's on the house" every time I finished a roof, how could i be so stupid
@Jmboyd58: *while scrolling Facebook I’m so glad Congress is going to make Facebook protect my data! *clicks on “What Harry Potter character is your social security number?”
@realHamOnWry: My nephew asked, "What's the secret to a long life?" I said, "Never order vegetarian in Texas"