@caseytduncan: The worst part about getting kidnapped would be when the news told everyone your real height and weight.
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@aquickschnack: ISIS MEMBER: Andy is your western name. what would you like your new, terrorist name to be? ME: Barry Bombs
@Vodkantots: My tampon just leaked during my bath and now it looks like I made a tub full of passion fruit tea.
@MadcapsTPS: They refused to take my order just because I was wearing a dastardly Dracula cape. The people at the blood bank have no sense of humour.
@Classy_Cassy89: My closet should be on Hoarders. Fell in looking for second shoe. 45 minutes later I had to cut my left arm off with a plastic hanger.