@JoeBerkowitz: The worst part about killing baby hitler is when you come back and everyone says "who?" but you still killed a baby.
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@RexHuppke: When the priest says "Body of Christ" I say "Thanks, I've been working out." Then I grab the cracker and run back to my seat.
@purch_s: Buy an aquarium. Don't buy fish. Tell guests there are fish. Enjoy time spent not having to talk to guests while they look for fish.
@lazy_joe_: "Yes, waiter, why does it say "there ain't no rats in it" next to the lasagna?": Cause there ain't no rats in it "But why woul AIN'T NO RATS
@KateWhineHall: I'm eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it's six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I'm still better than you.