@curlycomedy: The worst part about the measles outbreak at Disneyland was still the price of admission.
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@Mike_Bianchi: Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.
@withanewname: "Full bath?" "Yes sir" "Double beds?" "Yes sir" "Pool?" "Yes sir" "Maid service?" "Yes sir" "WIFI?" "Yes sir" "Kids, I found a campsite!"
@MatCro: COP: Can you describe your attacker? ME: No COP: Didn't you see him? ME: Yes, but I have a poor grasp of adjectives
@elizabeth_fels: PUTIN: If your American lover is in this room I'll kill him ELENA: He's not! PUTIN: (softly) u...s... [bursting from closet] A! USA! USA!