@TheMichaelRock: The worst part about winter is how the ground is hard and crunchy and it makes me constantly crave nachos.
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Cop: What happened? Me: A Smart Car hit one of those little Fiats. Cop: Can you describe the accident. Me: Adorable?
@LMFOFL: If you REALLY need to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
@GrumpyComments: Stormtrooper 1: You ever think that maybe we're with the bad guys? Stormtrooper 2: Nah, lets just head back to the Death St... to the ship.