@daemonic3: The worst part of getting a chain wallet for your birthday is that now you have 3 days to send 10 chain wallets to your friends.
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@bingowings14: Dog 1: Help me with this crossword clue. Outer covering of a tree. 4 letters. Dog 2: woof? Dog 1: You're not even trying.
@llvvzz: What woman say right before they kill you: Wow. Fine. Whatever. No problem. I'm not mad. Nothing's wrong. Sure, stay friends with your ex.
@causticbob: I saw an Indian asleep on the train, noticed the little red dot on his forehead, and thought, "Is he on standby?"