@smelbz: The worst part of going on a date with a guy I don't like is how my grandma always dies before our food gets there.
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@BourbonHabit: I'm single with no kids. I don't answer to anyone. "Meow." Okay! I'm opening the can now! Please don't shred the toilet paper again!
@CarolinaSong: I'll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I'm trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
@DannyZuker: "WAIT!" I screamed at my daughter as she typed Y-O-U on my computer but miraculously the autocomplete added "TUBE" so yeah, God exists.