@smelbz: The worst part of going on a date with a guy I don't like is how my grandma always dies before our food gets there.
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@P_o_n_k: [Prison] BOSS: I'll kill whoever snitched on us ME (from a much nicer and furnished cell): I guess we'll never know.
@SufficientCharm: I was doing well on my diet until I got my period and had to eat four pieces of pizza, a block of cheese, two candy bars, and seven houses.
@jergarl: I'm ONLY remembering to drink fluids because you told me to. NOT because fluids are literally the only thing you CAN drink, KAREN.
@NoDomesticDiva: A friend said she thinks she should buy her teen a chastity belt. I said try perming her bangs, that worked well for me when I was younger.