@Social_Mime: The worst thing a woman can ask a man is "Guess what today is."
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@ieatanddrink: Listen buddy, I never said they were for sale. I just put the "FRESH EGGS" sign in my yard to brag
@spekulation: Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I'm not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
@TheCatWhisprer: [1 of 4 car accidents caused by texting & driving] PEOPLE: won't be me [1 in 292 million chance of winning powerball] PEOPLE: you never know
@monks_19: If McDonalds sold hot dogs would you be able to (w/ a straight face) order a McWeiner and tell them to supersize it?