@kimwilliamz: The worst thing about admitting you're an alcoholic is that people will expect you to stop drinking.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheTweetOfGod: Nancy Grace just called pot smokers "fat and lazy". Right. Unlike the buff marathon runners home 4 o'clock on a Monday watching your show.
@sweetmissashley: Oh, your pet loves you more than anyone else? No shit, if you controlled when I ate I'd be obsessed with you too.
@Sickayduh: Accountant: Mr Cage, you are flat broke. *flashback to applying for a loan wearing John Travolta's face* Nick Cage: I already handled it
@PhoenixRises69: iPhone 5s fitted with fingerprint recognition. I'll sleep easier knowing that if my phone gets stolen, they'll likely chop off my hand too.