@mjkspeaks: The worst thing about life is getting comfortable and then realizing that you don't have the remote.
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@_blotty: [ocean's 11 music] So here's the plan,we iron me flat, then slide me into an ATM via the card slot. Once inside, it's a cash playground boys
@Tommytoughstuff: THERAPIST: How does that make you feel? ME: "Mphh mophh wampph." T: Again, this works better if you don't lie face down on the couch.
@myonlymizztake: T-Rex teen: Omg, that meteor is so bright, I'm literally dying! T-Rex mom: don't be so dramatic...