@mjkspeaks: The worst thing about life is getting comfortable and then realizing that you don't have the remote.
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@InternetHippo: me: this MAN thinks he's ENTITLED to my time! hey buddy i don't OWE you anything!! my boss: do you…know how jobs work
@KeetPotato: hey look! *picks up a tiny ghost costume off pavement* how cool is thi ew why is it wet? "dude, that's a condom"
@TheCiscoKidder: I have a dog to make sure that the noises in the middle of the night are nothing serious and I have a cat to make those noises.