@joejwest: The worst thing about owls is the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
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@NicestHippo: [getting a massage] MASSEUSE: You have sensitive skin SKIN: What is THAT supposed to mean
@causticbob: Just heard that someone has started digging Fidel Castro's grave.. Must be a communist plot.
@Not_a_JesusGirl: I hate it when I'm at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?"
@LoveNLunchmeat: Look, you can tell me what to do in an emergency and that's fine, but I'm going to do what I do best, and that is panic.