@joejwest: The worst thing about owls is the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
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@OreoSpeedwagon_: I'm like a Ferrero Rocher in that I'm quite nutty and go down nicely with wine. I also come in family size.
@Julie_Cooker: Guys who go see 50 Shades of Grey... Do you all remain seated an extra 30 min after the movie's done? 💪
@_knuck_: *wife & I finally look up from our phones after 9 months* "Have you had the kid yet?" -No "Well, I'm level 77 on candy crush."