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@armyVet1972: The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
@notfaizzy: I knew this girl, she's really deep; she'd always find a reason to preach about how size does matter...
@edgarrants: When life hands you lemons, help me throw them at the kids on my lawn.
@Steelers1972: I swallowed my NyQuil with a 5 Hour energy and a latte and now my pet unicorn Steve and I are off to bake cheesecakes.
@bsnc64: Honk if you are possessed by the vengeful spirit of a goose
@UncleDuke1969: Son: Dad, is cousin Billy a mosquito?
Me: In Alabama?
M: Of course not. Why do you ask?
S: Mom said he was the product of insects.