@smedlee: The worst thing about when someone tells you to chillax is what to do with their corpse.
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@Book_Krazy: [First Date] Me: I can't believe we're on a date! It's not cause my fathers rich is it? Him: No. He's very handsome too Me: CHECK PLEASE
@LeahsLounge: Anytime I get something stuck in my throat, I drink some beer. I call this the Heineken maneuver.
@TheHyyyype: [about to go in for emergency surgery] ME: *slips surgeon a $20* what if you were to give me wings like a giant bird?