@smedlee: The worst thing about when someone tells you to chillax is what to do with their corpse.
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@shariv67: When dogs suddenly stop licking themselves and stare into the distance, they're thinking, "Shit. Did I leave the iron on?"
@MenHumor: Nothing says I have faith in god like the six inches of bullet proof glass on the popes car.
@ericsshadow: Interview: "What's your greatest weakness?" *I look at my watch then lean in* How much time do you have?