@smedlee: The worst thing about when someone tells you to chillax is what to do with their corpse.
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@matt___nelson: [PetSmart] *approaches checkout with bird seed* "that all for you today?" Yes. How long does it usually take? "For what?" For them to grow
@MensHumor: Halloween is, by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.
@patnspankme: I don't know if this is a good idea. Narrator: He knew, in fact, it was an awful idea.
@WeissBrandon: Everyone quits smoking when they die, which sucks cause dying is a really stressful event that would be helped quite a bit by a cigarette.