@smedlee: The worst thing about when someone tells you to chillax is what to do with their corpse.
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@brandonleecool: Muslim: I do not eat bacon. Jew: I do not eat bacon. Me: I will have their bacon.
@BoogTweets: Her: You're all sweaty. Where have you been? *Flash back to an hour long struggle of me trying to separate 2 shopping carts* Me: The gym.
@AustinSommer: If you spin an oriental person around until they get dizzy, do they become disoriented? #LifeQuestions