@Smethanie: The worst things in life are free, too. Like, gonorrhea, chapped elbows and flyers left on your windshield.
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@Chumpstring: client: i’m nervous attorney: relax prosecutor: the defendant is guilty attorney: oh my god [looks at client] client: what attorney: you said you were innocent
@weinerdog4life: My wife doesn't know this, but for the first 3 years of our marriage I thought we were supposed to share a toothbrush.
@TheAlexNevil: Death: You'll see me eventually. Me: Or *will* I? D: Uh, yes, you absolutely will. I've got you scheduled. M: Or "do" you? D: Stop that.