@WiseguyPictures: The worst time to find out your parents are dead is probably right after you've taken a large hit from helium balloon.
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@Black__Elvis: WARNING: KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN- DO NOT STAND TOO CLOSE TO THEM, THEY ARE GROSS AND WILL ASK YOU FOR STUFF
@JohnFatherJohn: confession: I'm only getting my PhD in physics cause I wanted my hate for The Big Bang Theory to be more personal.
@KrunkedRobot: My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
@kimtopher22: "We no longer use straws," he said, handing me two plastic bottles of water. "They're bad for the environment."