@WiseguyPictures: The worst time to find out your parents are dead is probably right after you've taken a large hit from helium balloon.
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@j88ess: Stop trying to make small talk with me in an elevator. It's 2013. Stare at your phone like a normal person
@StorybookBlonde: My cell phone fell in the pool...now I know what it feels like to have someone you love drown.
@maebemarbles: Not one person is cooler than the pigeon that just walked all the way into this Mexican restaurant, gently picked up a taco chip, and left.