@WiseguyPictures: The worst time to find out your parents are dead is probably right after you've taken a large hit from helium balloon.
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@Parkerlawyer: *buys almond milk* "I'm gonna get healthy!" *drinks almond milk* "This is gross." *pours Hershey's chocolate syrup in milk* "Perfect."
@Dawn_M_: During a zombie apocalypse, establish dominance by approaching the baddest zombie with the snappiest teeth and braid his hair.
@TheHyyyype: HILLARY: i'm sick and tired of these baseless accusations THE MEDIA: aha! you see?! she admits it! not only is she sick, she's also tired!