@HeyoShellz: The writing's on the wall because I have a 4 year old
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@Tommytoughstuff: ME: Do you believe in ghosts? WIFE: Yes. ME: A ghost just spent $600 on a new home surround sound system.
@AristotlesNZ: Turns out the easiest way to piss of a vegan is to refer to their veganism as their "eating disorder".
@7_Cents: Vin Diesel: Is it fast? Car Salesman: Yes, sir. It is very fast. Vin Diesel: Oh yeah? *leans in close* Is it furious?
@Dutch_50: Hey, I'm human. If you cut me do I not bleed? If you cut me a slice of pizza do I not eat?