@HeyoShellz: The writing's on the wall because I have a 4 year old
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@NYC_Blonde: I wish I was a baby so I could pass out in public with a bottle and no one would look twice.
@Donna_McCoy: Until I got married I didn't even know it was possible to chew bubblegum arrogantly.
@Reverend_Scott: [hands mom flowers on Mother's day] thanks for a life of sacrifice, these cost me twenty bucks
@1_swarthy_dude: "Did anyone else's house get burglarized and have horrible music put on all their devices..........oh U2?"