@Reverend_Scott: The year 4542, artifacts are discovered from our once flourishing civilization. "Looks like they worshiped apples." said one archeologist.
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@ThaJawn: Her: Oh no, I've lost my jacket.. Me: *appears from the shadows* (whispers) you left it at the restaurant *slinks back into the shadows*
@wickedimproper: Note to the 82 year old widow who won the Powerball jackpot last night: Sup, girl?
@TheCatWhisprer: MAN: [after being mauled by a bear] oh it's just a scratch MAN: [with a cold] omg i can't breathe i think i'm dying