@RocketRankoon: The year is 2045. Favstar Bot 32 becomes self aware and deletes our top tweets.
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@stephenjmolloy: Ian: It's done. Mafia boss: Did you go anywhere nice? I: What? MB: Like a restaurant. I: I killed him. MB: I said take him out! Oh god, Tim!
@iamopeimu: My Ex works in a pharmacy,so whenever i want to spoil her mood I wil just go there and buy condom for no reason sometimes i go 3 times a day
@varoon_singh: When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?