@ThatOneGoodVibe: The year is 2057. iPhone 742 is released. The screen touches you.
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@ericsshadow: [wife walking in the door after work] WIFE: I had just had the worst... why are our kids in the dog cage? ME: a hello would be nice.
@MartaEffing: Turns out you have to *tell* a guy you're going out, otherwise you just end up standing on his doorstep wondering why he's in his sweats.
@muskrat_john: "WHAT ARE WE TO TELL THE CHILDREN ABOUT GAYS MARRYING?" Dunno. I'll ask my 5-year-old, who just married her stuffed bear to a stuffed pony.
@teenpuke: do you qualify to be my crush? *pulls out list* *checks off has a beating heart* yup you qualify