@Parker_Simpson: The year is 2065. Every adjective once used to describe another person is now deemed offensive. Noone's left their homes in years.
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@Teowulf: When people post sad things on Facebook I just want to hug them and whisper softly in their ears, "no one cares."
@rockymomax: [having sex] HER: talk dirty to me ME: I've been wearing the same underwear for weeks HER: no, I mean- ME: I drink my own bath water
@zoeklar: stan is such a liar - at first he's like "i'm your biggest fan" but THEN he says his little brother matthew likes eminem even more than him
@stephenjmolloy: [AA meeting] Ian: ...and I've been sober for 12 years now. Me: Err... I'm at the wrong meeting. *start packing up my battery collection*