@jwoodham: The year is 2087. Selfies are the new currency now and that annoying girl you went to high school with is the richest person in the world.
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@WookieOnUnicorn: How do I feel about your goatee? I shave every part of my legs except the knees, how do you feel about that?
@Rachelnoise: 15: MOM, WHERE'S MY NIRVANA SHIRT?! Me: Name THREE songs & I'll help you look for it. 15: ...
@DiscoFruit: they say running is addictive, that's why i don't do it, i'm afraid i'll end up in a fitness gym alley offering sex for treadmill time.
@causticbob: A salesman knocked on my door today. "Who currently provides your Internet?" he asked. I said, "My next door neighbour."